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[Finding a Way: Part Two] by Starblade [e-mail] [www] Feedback: Would be cool
Synopsis: Paul visits the Colonel in the infirmary and gets an unexpected visit from his old lover. Daniel gives him some advice.
"May I help you, Major?" Dr. Janet Fraiser confronted Paul Davis as he entered the infirmary. She looked as stern and unrelenting as her reputation suggested. "I had heard Colonel O'Neill was in here." He had just gotten to the mountain that morning only to hear that Colonel O'Neill had been admitted to the infirmary. Once again he had to catch up quickly on recent events, and he still wasn't sure on every detail of what had occurred. Janet frowned at him, and though he stood over a head taller than her, he swore she was looking down at him. "As you should know, Major, Colonel O'Neill's just returned to Earth after being the prisoner of a Goa'uld system lord. He's not up to a further debriefing right now." "I'd just like to see Colonel O'Neill for a moment, I won't disturb him if he's sleeping." Paul said, holding her intense gaze. "Major, do you know anything about sarcophagus withdrawal? That it causes vicious mood swings, delusions of grandeur, violence." "Doctor," he interrupted, "I am aware of all this." "Then you should also be aware that I've just administered a sedative. He won't be able to speak to you." "Dr. Fraiser," Paul tried once more, realizing that he needed to be careful here. "Just five minutes, to see for myself that he's all right." He was just kicking himself for saying too much when Janet nodded, her eyes thoughtful. "Five minutes," she echoed, opening the door for him. Fraiser left him to enter alone and he was grateful for her discretion. O'Neill appeared to be sleeping, and his covers were knocked slightly askew. Paul moved to the man's side and pulled up the sheet, still disconcerted by the sudden impulse to comfort this man. O'Neill stirred at his touch, one hand darting out from under the sheet to grasp Paul's wrist. "Davis," he said, his words slightly slurred. "Did you see him?" "Who, Colonel?" Paul asked, stepped backwards slightly. "You know who. Daniel," O'Neill said with an impatient snort. "I saw him." "I'm sure you did, sir," he murmured around the lump in his throat. "Listen, he was there, when that bastard was torturing the shit out of me. He couldn't sit back and just watch, you know. That's Daniel, our Daniel." O'Neill swore, his grip around Paul's wrist unbearably tight. Then Jack's hand fell back to the bed. "Tired," he murmured, letting Paul adjust the sheets. O'Neill's eyelids drooped, snapping open once, then slid shut slowly. Paul watched as the older man's breath evened out with sleep and his head fell to the side. He resisted the impulse to brush back the lock of silver hair that had fallen into the man's forehead. "He's right, you know. He did see me." A quiet voice came from behind Paul. He turned around quickly, not daring to believe his ears. "Daniel?" he gasped. And there he was, standing at the foot of Jack's bed. He looked good, looked like himself, not glowing like some kind of angel. Daniel grinned at him, his face bright and open, looking almost cold without his glasses. Paul took a step forward, reaching out with one hand, wanting to touch like some sort of doubting Thomas. Daniel stopped him with a gesture. "Ah, not a good idea. I'm not exactly physically here. Hell, Jack tossed his shoe right through me." "Daniel," Paul interrupted. "An explanation would be nice." Daniel sighed, crossing his arms around his chest. "I'm sorry. Where I'm at now, what I'm doing, I can't really interfere." "That's not what I meant, Daniel." Paul's voice caught and he stopped, grabbing control of himself. "What happened?" "I had a choice to make, Paul. Death or . this, and I chose this. I didn't get the chance to explain or talk to you. I couldn't.I'm just glad that Jack was there for you." "Y-you watched? You can see us?" Daniel shrugged. "Yeah, well, sort of. It's kind of hard to describe in English .Paul, I didn't come here to talk Ascended physics with you." "That's for Major Carter, I'm sure." "Sam doesn't know I'm here," Daniel walked around to the other side of the Jack's bed, his eyes on the older man. Paul frowned, a number of concerns running through his brain - his military mind marveling over how vulnerable the base was if the Ascended ever gave up their policy of non-interference. Then he wondered why Daniel was here without letting the rest of the SGC know. Why was Daniel hiding from them? But now, Daniel was speaking in a soft whispering voice, so low Paul had to work hard to hear him. "They only let me come back like this, as long as my appearance was brief and just enough to comfort a tortured, possibly dying, man . I chose this, Paul, I understood this would the only way I could keep fighting. You have to know that." "Daniel," Paul interrupted, wanting to say that he understood, but he didn't really, and so found himself without anything to say. He turned around and suddenly Daniel was by his side, holding up one hand to Paul's cheek. It felt warm and slightly electric, sending a tingle all along Paul's jaw. It was unique but Paul would have rather felt warm silky skin instead. "Paul," Daniel said, "please listen to me. You are so alone, and so is he." "God, Daniel, did you come here to play matchmaker?" Daniel's shoulders slumped and he stepped away. Paul found himself missing that electric touch. "That's not exactly how I meant it. The two of you are friends now. because of me." "Yes," Paul said slowly, knowing that fledging friendship was the reason he had come to the infirmary, intending to return some of the comfort he had been given. "But Daniel, you are the only one I'll ever love." Daniel raised one hand, almost in benediction. "Jack thought the same. Please, Paul. It hurts to see you alone. Both of you." He sighed, knowing he could deny Daniel nothing, even when Daniel asked him to give up his hope that his lover would return. Because that's what Daniel's words really meant - Daniel would never be coming home. "I'll try," Paul finally said, not willing to make any promises, yet not wanting Daniel staring at him with that dejected look in his eyes. "Thank you," Daniel smiled finally, and although his eyes were still somewhat sad, Paul felt the lump in his throat finally dissipate. Jack stirred in the infirmary bed and Paul glanced over to make sure Jack was all right. When he looked back, Daniel was gone. "Damn," he murmured to himself. *** Coming off of any drug was a bitch, but nothing bit quite as bad as sarcophagus withdrawal. There wasn't even any way they could let him down slowly, so Jack was forced to go cold turkey whether he wanted to or not. Janet finally released him to recuperate at home, far enough out of the woods where he could be trusted enough not to kill anyone if they pissed him off. He had come close enough to that in the infirmary. All he wanted was a night spent in his own bed, maybe after an evening of watching a game and eating food that was bad for him. "Need a ride?" A friendly voice asked and Jack turned around, surprised to see Paul Davis standing there behind him in the parking lot. "Davis, what are you still doing here?" Jack asked, a bit dazed. "Budget review," the younger man grimaced and held up a heavy-looking brief case. "If I don't get out of here for a few hours, I'll go insane." "Not staying on base, then?" "Hell, no." Jack grinned. "Up for some dinner? I'm not too fond of this place myself right now." "Why don't we drop by your place? Chinese food always tastes better out of cartons for some reason. And I'm sure you've got more room than my state-sanctioned hotel room." It seemed like a good suggestion and Jack watched absently in his rear view mirror as Paul's sleek rental car pulled in behind his truck in the driveway. The oddness of it struck a chord in him; that spot had usually been reserved for Daniel's old car. In fact, as Davis sat back on Jack's couch, grabbing a slice of the pizza they had ordered instead, Jack realized with a pang of déjà vu how similar this entire scene was. He remembered all the times Daniel had shared this very couch with him, catching a movie and some grub, maybe as prelude to other things. He found himself missing Daniel, feeling the man's absence like an orchestra without its conductor. And that brought up sharply the last time Paul sat in his living room, demanding answers for his lover's disappearance. This time, Paul drank the beer Jack offered and sat next to Jack on the couch, his eyes occasionally on the television. Jack's mind wasn't exactly on the game either. He glanced over at the major, taking in his fidgeting and sitting on the very edge of the couch. Maybe Paul sensed how he seemed to be taking Daniel's place? No, that wasn't right, Jack berated himself, not taking Daniel's place, but maybe unconsciously filling the void left behind. Paul turned and caught Jack staring at him. There was something in that green-eyed gaze, a spark of something Jack couldn't identify right away. Davis held his eyes, not afraid to match Jack look for look. Jack broke the impromptu staring contest, but caught Paul's eyes trailing down his face and body. What the hell was that all about? "You ever been to one of these?" Davis gestured toward the TV. "A hockey game? Uh, yeah," Jack took a sip of beer to cover his confusion, a bit worried at his initial reaction to Paul's stare, his heart beating a staccato against his chest. "I meant a local game. Might be fun." "Are you a big Avalanche fan? Otherwise, it's not fun at all." Jack grinned. "Well, maybe I could catch them when they play the Flyers." "You're from DC and you're a Flyers fan?" "What? Not like the Washington Capitals are a decent team. Besides, I'm originally from Pennsylvania." "I didn't know that." "There's a lot of things you don't know about me, Jack," Paul said quietly and that look was back in his eyes. Jack cleared his throat and put his bottle on the coffee table, a bit uncomfortable under that intense scrutiny. Paul reached out with one hesitant hand and touched Jack's cheek, turning the older man's face towards him. Their eyes met again and the moment hung there, suspended in time. Then Paul simply leaned in and kissed him, a quick peck, a short meeting of lips. Jack pulled back with a start. "Paul? What the hell was that?" Paul jumped up and began pacing a cadence across the living room. "I knew this was a bad idea, no matter what Daniel said." "Wait, hold on a sec, re-wind that. Daniel?" Paul stopped in mid-step and faced Jack, looking a bit sheepish. "Yeah, while you were in the infirmary. He told me he was with you while you were imprisoned." "That was a hallucination," Jack protested, reaching down to grab the bottle of beer on the coffee table. He hadn't had time to deal with his vision of Daniel in that weird, topsy-turvy cell. While he desperately wanted to believe it had been real, that the archaeologist had come to him in his time of need, he feared it had all been wishful thinking. "A hallucination?" Paul echoed incredulously. He sat back down, this time in the chair across from Jack. He rubbed his forehead. "He told me you threw your shoe at him." "Fuck," Jack whispered, closing his eyes. Yes, Daniel really had come to them both. His head snapped up. "Daniel told you to kiss me?" "Not exactly," Paul admitted. Jack shook his head. "What exactly did he say to you?" Paul didn't have anything to fiddle with this time, so he just folded his hands between his legs. He looked lost, curved in on himself, yet Jack noticed how even while embarrassed, Paul still held himself proud and contained. "He said he didn't want either of us to be alone." Jack nodded - that did sound like Daniel. Though he wondered if Paul had added the idea of a romance. Daniel might have just meant they should be really good friends. Though God knew Daniel didn't have any reason to wish Jack well in any relationship with another man. When Jack considered some of the arguments they had had. well, none of it was pretty. He wondered about Paul, if the younger man had found him attractive before Daniel's interference. Jack had never considered himself gay or even bisexual until his affair with Daniel. There was just something about the archaeologist that drew out from Jack what he thought had been broken forever, the capacity to open his heart to another. Now that he knew he could be attracted to another man, he found he couldn't just turn that sense off. Maybe that did make him bi. When he felt warm hands touching his, Jack looked up, startled, as Paul took the bottle of beer away. Before he could speak, Paul was pressing close and kissing him again. Jack opened his lips in surprise, tasting the remnants of salt and beer on the younger man's lips. He grasped Paul's shoulders, pulling him in closer as the proximity and heat of the kiss ignited the spark of arousal in Jack's groin. Jack pushed Paul down onto the couch, crawling over him to plunder his mouth again. He pulled back slightly, taking in Paul's flushed face, his kiss-swollen lips. Paul just looked up at him and nodded. No words were needed in this duet. Jack took that acceptance and moved in, unbuttoning Paul's shirt. They slid against each other, removing clothing between kisses and caresses. Jack explored Paul's hairless chest eagerly, enjoying that peach-like smoothness, and ignoring the voice at the back of his head that compared this man to Daniel. Paul was here, warm and alive, and above all, accepting Jack's touch. Once naked, they ground against each other, Jack pinning Paul to the couch between his own spread legs. He slid along, their cocks hot and throbbing against each other. Paul grunted, his fingers digging into Jack's back. Jack moved decisively, wanting to take control and Paul seemed content to let him lead. Somehow the younger man must have picked up that this would be the only way Jack could accept what was happening between them. As Jack reached down to touch their joined erections, he felt the briefest pang of regret because he did not love this man, as he had loved Daniel. Maybe this touch was enough, he thought as Paul moaned beneath him, just enough to scare away the loneliness. For a moment, neither man was empty, each holding tightly to the other. Jack wanted the burn to rise gradually, but it had been too long since he had last had a man beneath him and he came hard, splashing his semen between them. Paul suddenly shivered, then arched up against Jack's hand, hot liquid spreading over their bodies. Jack collapsed against the younger man, resting his face under Paul's chin and wrapping himself around the supine body. *** Jack woke, slightly disoriented. He was definitely in his own bed. He remembered that he had led Paul up here after their little scene on the couch. He really needed to have that thing cleaned. But where was Paul? Jack sat up in his empty bed and was relieved to see Paul sitting at the window. The younger man had pulled an afghan around him, which had slipped off one shoulder, baring a tantalizing view of pink skin. The streetlights from outside reflected onto his body, making him look all aglow. Jack shuddered at that thought - no need to have a glowing Paul as well. He slid out of bed and walked to Paul's side, gently placing a hand on that smooth shoulder. "What are we doing?" Paul asked miserably. "What the hell are we doing?" "What we need to do to stay sane." Jack bent and placed a series of tiny kisses on that smooth back, nuzzling his warm neck. "Come to bed, Paul." Paul nodded and stood, letting the blanket fall to the chair. He allowed Jack to lead him back to bed where they touched and loved again, their bodies finding the right rhythm. Jack gathered up a condom and the lubricant that somehow he had never removed from his bedside drawer even after they had no purpose. He straddled Paul's body, preparing himself with one experienced hand. Paul stared up at him, his eyes dark with desire and his throat bobbing as he swallowed convulsively. Jack could imagine how he felt - shocked, aroused, and desperate for this. He himself needed to feel full again. He slid on the condom and Paul reached out and grabbed Jack's forearms. Jack pulled back slightly, sitting on the younger man's thighs. "It's ok," he murmured, smiling. After their initial fumbling in the living room, this intimacy was what really mattered. Jack twisted this from sex into lovemaking, wanting that connection as he slid down on Paul's cock. Paul hissed and Jack closed his eyes at the sensation of being impaled. With an effort of will, he opened them again, struggling to meet Paul's as he rode his body. Beautiful, Jack thought, his breath catching as they moved together in a rhapsody of motion. Paul reached up, running his hands along Jack's clenched thighs, before coming to a rest on his waist. This was another kind of communication and Paul had finally ceded his acceptance, his understanding of what Jack was trying to do. They made love in the darkness of silence. When Jack woke again, he opened his eyes to the sight of Paul slumbering, curled up beside him. Jack placed a trembling hand over the sleeping man's fist and felt it relax under his touch. Something loosened in Jack's heart and he smiled. Outside the sun shone brightly through the curtains and the silence was broke only by the sharp cry of a bird. end
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