Status: finis
Category: slash, drama
Spoilers: Absolute Power
Disclaimers: Dannyboy’s drifting lazily down the River Denial, and Paul’s got a season pass to come visit. A continuation of Incubator,’ ‘Sensation,’ ‘Objects At Rest and In Motion,’ ‘The Beast That Screamed I At The Heart,’ ‘Somanbulist’ and ‘Rulings From The Tomb’
Rating: not for the little ones
Content Warning: m/m
Summary: Choose. 
Dedication: the D/Posse. Thankyou, one and all. 
Archiving: Yes please, just let me know so I can come and gloat. Archivists, feel free to link to 
Notes: Title taken from the anime series Bubblegum Crisis: Tokyo 2040. I’d like to thank everyone who sent feedback, I’ve tried to send a reply to everyone, but just in case I’ve missed you, thanks! This will be it for this series, at least for the foreseeable future 

The Muses, however, seem to have taken up permanent residence. 

Oh well. On with the show! 

He paused on the curtained threshold, watchful. Jack was lying back against the starched white pillows, his face turned the other way. Looking the wrong way. 

He cleared his throat meaningfully, and Jack’s face snapped around. “Daniel.” Flat voiced, only the slightest hint of a question. 

Daniel pulled the curtain closed behind him. It was only a gesture of privacy, but it would have to do. “How are you feeling?” 

“Like crap.” 

“Is that because of the knee, or because of me?” 

“Daniel,” he began. He recognized the tone. It was the one Jack used when he was about to slide back behind the cover of clownishness. Emotional covert operations. 

He felt something bubble up inside of him, but instead of pushing it down like he always did before, he let it come and gave it free rein. “Don’t, Jack. Not now. I’m not in the mood for it.” He took another step closer to the bed. “There’s something I need to ask you. I should have, before…” he waved his hand once. “But I didn’t. I don’t know why, but I didn’t. So I’m going to ask you now, and I want a straight answer.” 

Jack met his gaze, measure for measure. “Daniel, you’re babbling.” 

He snorted to himself and laid his hands on the side of the bed. The blanket was slightly prickly under his fingers. He stroked it gently with one finger, focussing his attention on the idle movement to keep his courage from fleeing. “Do you need me?” 

“What?” 

“Do. You. Need. Me? Very simple question Jack, and I would appreciate it if you answered me honestly.” 

Jack was shaking his head. “Of course we need you, Daniel. You’re the only one…” 

“Who can do I what do. Change the record, I’ve heard this song before.” He clenched his fist into the fabric, bunching and stretching the material. “In case you haven’t noticed, Jack, I’m a human being. I’m not just a translation machine, I’m not one of Harlan’s robots, I’m…” he screwed up his face, searching for the words. “I’m me, Jack. A person.” 

“I kinda got that, Daniel,” Jack scoffed. 

“Did you,” he retorted hotly. “Did you really?” He shook his head sadly. “Once, long ago, maybe. When we were friends. But as that friendship died…” he turned an angry circle on the spot, trying to safely vent some of the energy that was flowing through his veins. “You stopped seeing the person, Jack. And that hurt, okay. Do you know what it’s like to live day in, day out a ghost? To be ignored unless you had something someone else wanted. Or unless you started making a nuisance.” Daniel snorted without humor. “Let me tell you, Jack, it’s a bitch to have to be the conscience for everyone else.” 

“Low blow, Danny. You know that’s not true.” 

Daniel felt his mouth press into a thin line. “Don’t call me that. And it’s the truth.” 

Jack was pushing himself upright in bed. “Fine, Daniel. You thought we were the big bad. But instead of doing something about it, you run off and sulk. What does that make you?” 

Daniel gave a shout of brittle, hollow laughter. “Someone who was trying to salvage his sanity before he took a walk through and un-GDOed wormhole, Jack. Someone who realized that he had reached his limit. Someone who had nowhere else to go.” Daniel felt the hot prickle of rising tears burn his eyes. “I thought I had finally found people I could count on. I guess I was wrong.” 

“That’s not fair,” Jack nearly shouted. “We were all in this together, until you decided to go off and…” he screwed up his face. 

“What, Jack? Commit the horrible crime of loving someone who could love me in return?” Daniel’s eyes narrowed and he approached the bed again. “Or is it the fact that my lover is a man that disgusts you?” he asked coldly. 

Jack shook his head. “No,” he whispered harshly. “That’s not it.” 

His voice was venomous. “Then tell me Jack. Lay it out for me. What went so wrong?” 

Jack’s face showed his silent rage. “What is wrong is that you chose him over us, Daniel,” he finally exploded. “You gave up.” His voice dropped again. “You gave up on us. I never thought I’d live to see that.” 

Daniel dropped into the chair at the bedside like his strings had been cut. He scrubbed his face with his hands, suddenly exhausted. “Neither did I, Jack. Neither did I.” He looked up and met brown eyes. “But…limits. I needed to get out.” He sighed and let his shoulders droop. “I didn’t want to see what I would become if I finally crossed that line. I’ve…I’ve been shown hints of what I could be.” He licked his lips. “At least this way you wouldn’t hate me outright.” His voice dropped again, barely audible. “At least I wouldn’t hate me.” 

A callused hand reached out and wrapped itself around his. He looked up in surprise. “Never happen, Danny.” The hand holding his own squeezed slightly. “Never. I guess we just got a little complacent.” 

Daniel sniggered. “Just a little?” 

He shrugged and shifted uncomfortably. “Okay, more than a little. Daniel?” He looked down for a moment before meeting his gaze. “Oh god, I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.” 

Daniel looked at their joined hands and tried to resist the urge to give in and just bawl. So much had already been taken away from him. Could he stand it if the cycle started again? 

Jack sighed. “Shit, listen to me,” he said with a little shake. “You’ve had your say, now let me have mine. We’ve all made bad choices, done the wrong thing. But can we just put this behind us and make it right?” He leaned forward. “Can we, Daniel? Please?” 

He looked so earnest Daniel had to turn away. “I don’t know Jack.” He wiped his face roughly with the back of his hand. “I just don’t know any more.” 

“Paul?” he asked his question into the fabric of Paul’s shirt, having dived into his open arms without a word of explanation. 

“Shh,” Paul whispered as he stroked Daniel’s hair. “Already checked, the cameras are off. We’re alone as we’re going to get under the Mountain.” 

Accepting the reassurances, he melted fully into Paul’s embrace. “I don’t know if I can…” 

Paul calmed Daniel’s tremors with long, firm strokes down his arms and back. “Shh,” he repeated. 

Daniel looped his arms around Paul’s waist and buried his face into the crook of his neck. “How is it possible to want to stay and run at the same time?” 

Paul shuffled them over so they could sit on the edge of the bed in the guest quarters. He stroked Daniel’s hair as he babbled soothing noises into his ear. “It’s okay. I’ve got you. It’s okay.” 

Paul sighed silently as Daniel leant over and buried his face into the front of Paul’s t-shirt again. The muscles under his hands were almost vibrating. Wordlessly, Paul began stroking along the lines of Daniel’s body, kneading out the tension and easing the strain. 

Finally, Daniel sat upright and untangled himself from Paul’s touch. With a grunt, he let himself collapse backwards onto the bed, arms stretched out over his head. “I’m screwed, aren’t I?” 

Paul turned on the spot to sit cross-legged by Daniel’s knees. “You went to talk to O’Neill?” 

Daniel nodded as he scrubbed his face with the heels of his hands. “Talk, scream, not much of a difference?” He shook his head again as he pushed himself up to rest on his elbows. “I…Paul, did I…” 

“What, Dan?” 

Clear eyes sought his, silently pleading for answers. “Did I abandon them?” 

“No.” He spat the word out almost before Daniel had finished asking his question. “If anything, it was the other way around. Do you remember what it was like for you, before we left?” 

Daniel flopped back again. “Maybe…?” 

“No. No maybe.” Paul crawled up the bed to look into Daniel’s face. He wanted there to be no doubt. “Don’t let them blame you, Daniel. You gave them every chance, but you were miserable.” He smiled. “I think you already know my opinion on where you belong, love. But don’t let them push you back into old habits.” He ran a single hand down the side of his cheek, a simple caress. “I won’t let them hurt you,” he whispered. 

Daniel smiled softly at the ceiling. “Rock and a hard place.” 

Paul stretched out besides him, not touching, just watching. “Then we’ll break out the jackhammers.” Reaching over, he plucked his glasses off his unflinching face. “Get some rest. We’ll find another way, don’t worry.” Obediently, Daniel’s eyes fluttered closed. 

Paul lay there, watching and listening as his breath slowed and deepened. Once he was certain Daniel was asleep, he slipped off the bed and headed for the door. They needed to sort this, once and for all. 

“Must be my lucky day. What can I do for you?” 

Paul pulled curtain closed behind him. “What do you want?” 

Jack shrugged and folded his arms up over his head. “World peace. Or failing that, a nice fishing spot.” 

Paul stared at him, for the first time truly understanding. “You really are an asshole, aren’t you?” 

That got him an honest reaction. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” 

“I just watched the one person I care about more than anyone else in my life cry himself to sleep. And there was nothing I could do about it.” He planted his fists on the side of the bed and leant deliberately into the other man's personal space. “Just like there was nothing I could do when I caught him staring up at the night sky, or when I watched his eyes die as he mouthed lies about the past to his students. I can’t do a god-damned thing to make it better for him, O’Neill, because I’m not you.” Jack resisted the urge to lean away, instead holding his ground. Paul’s face was mere centimeters away from his. “Don’t you get it? After everything you’ve put him through, after everything that’s happen, he still cares. Daniel never, ever gives up.” He didn’t realize that was what he was going to say until the words left his mouth. He stood up straight. “Or maybe you did realize that? That’s why you threw it back in his face?” Paul swallowed hard against the bitter taste on the back of his tongue. 

“Shit, Davis, I thought you were on our side…” 

Paul threw up a hand, cutting him off before he even started. “No. I’m on Daniel’s side.” 

“But you and Carter were plotting to get him back here, right?” 

Paul shook his head in disgust. “I think he belongs out there, O’Neill. Yes, despite it all, I want him to choose to stay.” He leaned in close, his voice barely a whisper. “But if you start fucking with his head again, then I swear to god I will kill you. I don’t give a damn what the airforce trained you for. I love him, and I won’t let you chew him up and spit him out again.” He straightened slowly and met the other man’s stare without flinching. 

“Ya finished there, Davis?” 

He made a gesture for O’Neill to proceed, before folding his arms tightly over his chest. 

“I don’t know who painted me with horns and a tail in your mind,” he said with a wave at the head in question. “But I want Daniel back here as much, if not more, than you or Carter. You asked me what I want. I’m going to tell you the same thing I told Danny. I want him back. I know we screwed up, badly.” He leaned over the edge of the bed. “What I want is a second chance, Davis.” He flopped backwards. “I just don’t think I’m going to get one.” 

Paul sighed and dropped into the visitor’s chair. “You want him back here. I want him back here. Everyone wants him back.” He ran his hands through his hair. “He just doesn’t seem to realize it.” 

“Maybe you can talk to him.” O’Neill’s voice was slightly hesitant. 

He laughed. “If there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it’s that Daniel has a mind of his own. Try to make it up for him at your own peril.” 

“Maybe we should try some reverse psychology.” 

Paul actually laughed this time, a tired sound. “The problem with reverse psychology is that right now, he’d probably take it as proof of his darkest fears, and hightail it back to Egypt.” He buried his head in his hands. He was beyond tired and into that twilight zone where the world had a strange luminescence to it. The answers he was searching for were there, he could feel it. He just couldn’t see them. 

“So let’s find a third option.” Jack straightened in bed as best he could with his leg trussed up. “Go find Teal’c and Carter. I’ll get one of the nurses to get Dr Fraiser. Between us, we’ll think of something.” It wasn’t a request. 

Paul was out of options. He obeyed. 

Daniel awoke to a gray and silent room. The bed felt cold and empty. Paul wasn’t there, and hadn’t been in some time. Sleepily, he found his glasses and a clean shirt, going through his routine on autopilot as he recalled all that had happened the previous day. 

He still had the dirt from an alien world under his fingernails. For some reason, the dark lines enthralled him. Somewhere, countless light years away, a village priest was being sacrificed so his people would be safe and healthy for another year. He found himself listing the methods and their probabilities in his head, and forced himself to stop. It was too morbid. He left the guest quarters and began to walk without a fixed destination in mind. 

From the moment they stepped through…no, this started long before then. From the moment those people formed a belief about the Gate and sacrifice, however many years or centuries ago, it had meant that someone had to die today. 

He chewed on the inside of his lip. Put like that, it seemed so deterministic. Final and fatal – either way, a life was over, and the only question was whether it would be us or them. An important choice, on a personal level, true, but in the grand cosmic scheme of things, what did it matter who it was? 

He hated determinism on principle. He was an individual, he had choice. He would decide his own fate. He refused to believe that everything was already set in stone, and all that was left for him was to go through the motions. Walk through the part. Life’s a stage, and we are all players. Say your lines, son, then exit stage left. No, that wasn’t life. Life was about choices, and where they lead. He chose to buck academic dogma, and that led to Catherine. Choosing to listen to her led to the Stargate. The Stargate led to… He walked through the blast doors and stared up at it. 

The Stargate had led to everything. The good, like Sha’re and Abydos, Jack, Sam, and Teal’c. Paul. He knew what it was like to be loved unconditionally, to share, to be part of a family, because he chose the Stargate. 

His decisions had led to pain, too. Dying, more times than even he’d care to admit. Addiction, abduction, and agony, his three least-favorite things. He had become a killer. The Gate had given him love and family, but had taken his innocence and naivete. Nothing came without a price, but perhaps, perhaps, this one might just have been worth the cost. 

There was the wonder of it all. He smiled at all he had seen and experienced. The wonderful, the amazing, the outright weird. If he had to make his decisions over, he wouldn’t choose to do a thing differently. 

He thought of Sha’re, dancing just for him under the Abydonian moons. The amazing sight of a planet from orbit. The thrill of learning, of seeing and understanding. The warmth of finally belonging to a family – a strange family, but a strong one, which accepted him as he was. The pain of watching someone die, knowing that you caused it. 

Everything that made him who he was today. 

Someone brushed up beside him, and touch and smell made the instant identification before he spoke. “Hey Dan.” 

“Hey.” He wasn’t looking at Paul. He was looking at the Gate. It was time again. 

“Listen,” he began slowly. “The others – O’Neill, Teal’c, Sam Carter – they’re waiting for you up in the conference room…” 

His eyes were fixed on the seventh chevron. Point of origin. Back to where he started. 

“They want to talk to you…” 

Time to choose. 

“No.” 

“What?” Paul’s voice made clear his confusion. 

Daniel finally turned to look him in the eye. “I’ve already made my decision.” 

A moment’s silence. Paul was looking into his eyes, seeing the conviction there. “What are we going to do now, Dan?” he asked quietly. 

“Stay,” he said simply as he turned back to look at the Stargate. 

Paul followed his gaze and nodded. 

“Yes. Stay.”